To become a better doctor
by Antoni
Summary: Dr. Webber gave you clear instructions but you weren t able to keep the baby alive.  All this only to find out afterwards, that this baby wasn t supposed to live. I don t own anything


Hey everyone,

I`m back with a oneshot. It`s mainly about Addison, but Derek and Dr. Webber are involved as well. I`m not completely happy with the story but I decided to just post it.

I don`t own anything.

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To become a better doctor

You`re is sitting on the couch in your livingroom staring at actually nothing. Tears are dwelling in your eyes and slowly running down your cheeks. You look so pale and sad, maybe even desperate.

Today you lost the preemie which you were supposed to keep alive. Dr. Webber gave you clear instructions but you weren`t able to keep the baby alive. Even though you stayed up all night, after a 48 hour shift, because you were asked to. All this only to find out afterwards, that this baby wasn`t supposed to live.

But that he told you only afterwards. After you have tried everything to keep that special baby boy alive. Desperately tried. After you have blamed yourself for the little boys death.

He said he did it so you would become a better doctor and because you have to learn to not get attached too easily.

Well it`s easy for him to say that.

But you have so much love to give and you´re so emotional even though, many people wouldn`t belive that. That`s how you were raised, always keep your head up and look like you`re a strong woman. That you`re mother used to say. Never show your emotions, never show how you feel. That´s what your mother always expected from you and still does. To be perfect.

But Dr. Webber sees you. The true Addison. He knows how you really are and you`re pretty sure that it`s partly Derek`s fault. He`s too worried about you, his girlfriend, always was and always will and probably talked to their superior about it.

You are sitting on your sofa crying, on the table infront of you is a bottle of red wine which is almost empty. You`re so drunk but that makes everything even worse.

You`re just so mad at Webber and in this moment, you can`t imagine to talk to him ever again. He`s always been like a father to you. Seriously. You love him and his wife too, but what he did hurt you so much that you can`t imagine talking to him again.

Flashback:

"Richard I`m so sorry. I know what you told me , I just fell asleep for a minute and when I woke up he was dead. I know it`s my fault. I`m so sorry." You say sobbing, tears slowly escaping your eyes.

"Addison, it wasn`t your fault. The boy never had a chance to survive. Not even the tiniest."

"What?" You ask him confused.

"The baby never had a chance to survive. There is nothing we could have done for him."

"Then why did you tell me to-? I don`t get it Dr. Webber."

"You need to learn not to get too attached Addison."

"What are you telling me?" You asked him now furious, tears shimmering in you`re green-blue eyes.

"I tell you to stay professional. You can`t get attached to every patient. It will kill you if you can`t stay professional. You have to be sensitive to the paitents, but if you grief everytime you loose a patient, it will rip you in tiny little pieces. Many babies die Addison, you can`t grief everytime you loose one."

"You could have just told me."

"It wouldn`t have worked. It wouldn`t have the same effect ony you. I did this so you can become a better doctor."

"So I can become a better doctor? You`ve got to be kidding me." You yelled and run away. It hurt too much.

End flashback

"Addison?" Derek said when he found you in the livingroom, asleep on the couch.

He was shocked when he noticed the bottle of wine, which was empty and the painkillers next to it. He immideately did open them and found the bottle empty. He called an ambulance and tried to wake you up while talking on the phone.

He got your attention for a couple of seconds but you soon become unconscious again. You can remember it all.

Hospital:

"How is she." Derek asked Dr. Webber afraid of what he will find out now.

"She`s going to be okay. Just go in there and be there for her when she wakes up." He told Derek and turned around to walk away.

"You`re not going in there?" Derek asked surprised.

"No, I´m afraid it`s my fault."

"What do you mean?"

"The preemie."

"Oh Richard. I told you not to do it!" He said furious.

"I know and you have no idea how much I blame myself for this right now. She`ll want to see you when she wakes up. Be there for her and when she`s ready I`ll be there as well." He finished and walked away.

Derek walked into the room and saw you lying there in a hospital bed. You still look very pale, almost like dead and your lips have a strange colour. He lets his tears free streaming down his cheeks. Totally uncontrolled.

Then he sits next to you on bed and pulles you into an embrace. You`re not awake but he needs to feel that your body`s still warm and alive and not cold and dead.

* * *

Thanks for reading guys.

Well, what do you think? It`s kind of depressing, isn`t it.


End file.
